How to Find Girlfriend Physically Attractive Again

I'thousand 23 and my girlfriend is 21 and we have been together for one and a half years now. We beloved each other and get on very well together, but there is also a big trouble.

I was always taught that when it comes to a relationship looks don't matter, that'southward it's all well-nigh the personality. I and then wen't for a girl who is an awesome person but who I don't really find sexually attractive.

We've been together for long and now this has really started causing issues to our relationship. I get quite uncomfortable when we get intimate and have sex as I'm non really sexually attracted to her. She has also always been very insecure about her looks and has been telling me that I'm out of her league etc, which itself is quite a turnoff. I sometimes think almost other fantasies when we have sexual practice which makes information technology a little easier for me but I realise this is very wrong.

I love her regardless and we do have a skillful time together in general and both love eachother.

Can a realtionship work just based on beingness attracted to someone's personality? I am now a shallow person but I'm starting to learn that peradventure y'all need to have that lust and passion to keep a relationship going.

Has anyone experienced anything similar? Please don't just answer "Interruption up with her" etc, I would much rather hear a flake more if yous think it tin can work or not or if you lot take experienced something similar this yourself.

A yr and a half with someone yous've never found physically attractive - what's incorrect with you?

Break upwards with her man.

Or condone your morals and get another chick on the side.

Mate its 3am what's wrong with y'all

(Original post by Caedus)
A yr and a half with someone yous've never found physically attractive - what's wrong with you lot?

(Original post by Yawn11)
Break upwardly with her human being.

Or condone your morals and get another chick on the side.

(Original mail by 123formyabc)
Mate its 3am what'south incorrect with yous

accept you all ever idea that the OP might be too ugly/socially inept to become a ameliorate looking girlfriend, so he is forced to settle for an ugly girl who he doesn't find physically bonny? just a idea.

Place a McDonalds bag over the head, problem sorted (temporarily)

(Original post by Bassetts)
have you all ever thought that the OP might be also ugly/socially inept to get a better looking girlfriend, then he is forced to settle for an ugly girl who he doesn't discover physically attractive? just a thought.

Possibly. He did mention that he was 'out of her league', notwithstanding.

I'm merely surprised he stayed with her for so long, how can y'all be passionate with someone you don't notice attractive?

If you find yourself feeling false, interim upwards, growing distant, treating her badly because you lot're lacking peace of mind then you need to back up and take some perspective. Information technology's about a mutual respect, and a balance. These doubts yous accept now aren't going to get any ameliorate with time... Ameliorate you face upwardly to them now, rather than when you take responsibilities and a band on the finger.

Although ultimately the issues you have are superficial, they evidently thing. If they don't get away how can you lot possibly remain comfortable in the relationship in the long term. Its not fair on you or her.

You tin can't pretend to experience what she feels. You lot may even end up resenting her for having what y'all don't have in the relationship. Rather you go on a break and so realise what yous're missing and commit to her, than carry on and walk into something more serious that y'all regret. If it'southward not meant to be after a break, then best for both of you surely?

It'southward possible.

I'g not physically attracted to my young man, but emotionally, we're very close and I like feeling desired sexually. The sex is passionate and about how we make eachother experience, non what's being looked at. It's taken a long fourth dimension though... Honestly we had issues with him not initiating out of insecurity and drinking too much but nosotros're getting meliorate and better.

She needs to grow more confident in herself and perhaps if y'all are both more in the moment rather than focusing on things that displease y'all aesthetically it can piece of work. How actively engaged is she in sexual activity? If she doesn't have the confidence to be more forward and attempt to seduce y'all or accept a bigger role there lies the trouble. Again I don't find my BF the prettiest merely when he looks at me like he wants me it's a turn on.When he is confident plenty to explore my body and have charge it's a turn on.

Maybe some sexy lingerie or dress up would be nicer for you lot to expect at and empowering for her?

(Original mail service past Anonymous)
I'yard 23 and my girlfriend is 21 and nosotros have been together for one and a half years now. We love each other and become on very well together, but in that location is as well a big problem.

I was always taught that when it comes to a relationship looks don't matter, that'south information technology's all about the personality. I then wen't for a daughter who is an awesome person but who I don't really find sexually bonny.

We've been together for long and now this has really started causing issues to our human relationship. I get quite uncomfortable when we get intimate and accept sexual activity as I'grand not really sexually attracted to her. She has also e'er been very insecure virtually her looks and has been telling me that I'm out of her league etc, which itself is quite a turnoff. I sometimes think well-nigh other fantasies when we have sexual practice which makes it a fiddling easier for me but I realise this is very wrong.

I honey her regardless and we practise have a good time together in general and both love eachother.

Can a realtionship work just based on beingness attracted to someone's personality? I am now a shallow person but I'grand starting to acquire that peradventure yous need to have that animalism and passion to go along a human relationship going.

Has anyone experienced anything similar? Delight don't simply reply "Intermission up with her" etc, I would much rather hear a bit more than if you think it tin work or non or if you lot have experienced something like this yourself.

if you were 48 and married I dubiousness this would be a major upshot. the fact that y'all are early 20s and went for a girl you didn't find attractive is confusing to me . I don't know why y'all but arnt friends with a girl y'all have a good laugh with

I think people expect too much from relationships sometimes. If everything is perfect only there'due south a fiddling lack of sexual attraction then on boilerplate you probably have it better than a lot of couples. Think seriously about this before spoiling something you might not find again...equally an bated, beingness uncomfortable during sexual activity tin be caused by other things, are you sure information technology's virtually attraction?

Posted from TSR Mobile

Non possible human being. Physical attraction is extremely important in a human relationship. Just every bit a salubrious sex life tin can make everything in a relationship meliorate, a bad sex life can make everything worse.

It may be hard, but break upward with her!

Sounds like you practice like her, might equally well stay with her. You guys will eventually interruption up, just stay if y'all wanna stay for the now.

I think it tin work, just but to the degree that it has 'worked' so far for you two, i.eastward., you have somehow managed to overlook your lack of attarction and still take sex and and then on.

I suppose the underlying question here is: Is your dear for her plenty that you are willing and able to be passionate and intimate with her regardless of not finding her sexually attractive? If information technology is, and so exercise information technology and have no regrets, merely if information technology isn't and so I think you should try to expect for a better match.

Best of luck with information technology.

(Original post past Trivial Wolf Taima)
It'southward possible.

I'1000 non physically attracted to my boyfriend, but emotionally, we're very close and I like feeling desired sexually. The sex is passionate and nigh how nosotros brand eachother feel, non what's existence looked at. It'southward taken a long time though... Honestly nosotros had issues with him not initiating out of insecurity and drinking too much merely we're getting amend and better.

She needs to abound more confident in herself and perhaps if you are both more in the moment rather than focusing on things that displease you aesthetically it can work. How actively engaged is she in sex? If she doesn't take the confidence to be more forward and attempt to seduce yous or take a bigger role there lies the trouble. Again I don't find my BF the prettiest but when he looks at me like he wants me it's a turn on.When he is confident enough to explore my torso and take accuse it's a turn on.

Perhaps some sexy lingerie or dress up would be nicer for y'all to look at and empowering for her?

What. If you're non attracted to him, how can yous bring yourself to have sex with him?

There is a huge, huge deviation between being with someone you're not attracted to, and existence with someone you lot know isn't especially attractive but whom you notice bonny because you lot take all the chemistry, and I am really hoping you actually mean the latter.

I brutal in love with a guy over the summertime whom most people would consider really quite unattractive, but subsequently developing feelings for him I looked at him totally differently, and still do. Only if I had connected to find him unattractive it would accept made me shudder to take sex with him. As it happens, he is the best sexual activity I've always had, and no one has e'er turned me on more!

But OP, I call up this is an insurmountable problem unfortunately. And to exist honest she has probably noticed to some extent that yous feel this fashion - I dubiousness you're that good at hiding it/making her feel desirable.

Well, I don't see why it couldn't piece of work. Unless her looks are actively frightening, I think almost people can behave very seductively and create a dynamic that isn't based on looks. After all, if people take sex with the lights off the things they get turned on by are the sexy things their partner says, how they touch each other etc. etc.

I suspect the OP has misdiagnosed the problem - it isn't that he (I assume he's a he!) doesn't observe her bonny and so much as he doesn't find her to be good in bed. Her lack of confidence is a problem and if she'due south that inhibited she's unlikely to let herself go. Maybe she isn't enjoying it herself. Maybe he wants a much more dominant lover. Hard to tell without more data and actually nosotros don't really need to know. The person who needs to know is him. To overcome information technology he can try a mixture of openness ("it would really turn me on if we did x next fourth dimension we had sex") and encouragement ("I really do observe you incredibly sexy"). If this doesn't work then perhaps some couple's counselling might help.

If it'south physical attractiveness you desire, you could always transport her to the spa or hairdresser for Christmas. Information technology seems mean (it'south non really), but say that you ever loved hair "such and such a colour" and run into if a change like that would change the look of her face. People with low-cal hair can sometimes look washed out, and then if she gets it darker, her features may exist more defined. It might just be a slight change. Otherwise, y'all take to either decide if information technology'southward physical attraction or personality needed in your human relationship. If y'all aren't attracted, then you can't have both with her.

Why the **** did you get in a relationship with her, and so?

Exit her and so she can be with someone who actually properly finds her attractive. Looks are important in a non-platonic human relationship for the vast bulk of people, don't tie someone up in one if you don't recall they're attractive enough

I'g sorry but I don't think you lot tin exist truly in love someone you don't find physically attractive. You lot may care almost them a lot and become on with them as friends but at that place is more to a relationship than that just every bit there is more than to a relationship than sexual activity. It's a mixture of all of these factors which is why information technology's not like shooting fish in a barrel to find the person you want to spend the rest of your life with. Surely you can never even tell her she looks cute/sexy or if y'all do, you must be lying?

(Original mail past Bassetts)
accept you all ever thought that the OP might be too ugly/socially inept to become a better looking girlfriend, so he is forced to settle for an ugly daughter who he doesn't find physically attractive? just a thought.

I'g not that ugly, actually many attractive girls have told me they find me attractive. I have however had always problems finding a suitable girlfriend while ane night stands with some nice looking girls hasn't been a problem.

Merely in a way you might be right, that I am with her beacuse of some inability to find a better one. Maybe I could simply am not trying hard enough.

(Original post by Anonymous)
If you find yourself feeling imitation, acting upwards, growing distant, treating her badly considering yous're lacking peace of heed and then y'all need to dorsum up and take some perspective. It's nearly a mutual respect, and a balance. These doubts you have now aren't going to get any improve with time... Better you face upwardly to them now, rather than when you accept responsibilities and a ring on the finger.

Although ultimately the problems you have are superficial, they plain matter. If they don't become abroad how tin you possibly remain comfortable in the relationship in the long term. Its not fair on yous or her.

You tin can't pretend to feel what she feels. You may fifty-fifty stop up resenting her for having what you don't have in the relationship. Rather you proceed a break and and so realise what you're missing and commit to her, than carry on and walk into something more than serious that yous regret. If it's non meant to be later a break, then best for both of you surely?

Very practiced mail service and an accurate description of the problem!! I know that if we would intermission up I would miss her as I similar spending fourth dimension with her. It's just the intimacy that gets bad-mannered between us.

(Original postal service by Little Wolf Taima)
It's possible.

I'm not physically attracted to my boyfriend, but emotionally, we're very close and I like feeling desired sexually. The sexual activity is passionate and about how nosotros make eachother feel, not what's being looked at. It's taken a long time though... Honestly nosotros had issues with him not initiating out of insecurity and drinking as well much but nosotros're getting better and better.

She needs to grow more than confident in herself and perhaps if you are both more in the moment rather than focusing on things that displease yous aesthetically information technology can work. How actively engaged is she in sex? If she doesn't have the conviction to be more forward and attempt to seduce you or have a bigger role there lies the problem. Again I don't find my BF the prettiest but when he looks at me like he wants me information technology's a turn on.When he is confident enough to explore my torso and have accuse it's a plough on.

Peradventure some sexy lingerie or dress upwards would be nicer for you to await at and empowering for her?

She engages actively when I inquire her to. I'm agape any sexy lingerie would not help as I don't similar how she looks naked (and I practice feel terrible for saying that).

(Original mail by whisper2012)
I think people expect besides much from relationships sometimes. If everything is perfect just there's a piddling lack of sexual attraction so on average you probably have it meliorate than a lot of couples. Think seriously well-nigh this before spoiling something you might not detect over again...as an aside, being uncomfortable during sex tin be caused past other things, are you sure it's well-nigh attraction?

Posted from TSR Mobile

Everything is not perfect considering of the lack of intimacy and passion in the relationship. Everything is only skillful in the sense that nosotros become on very well when spending time together. I'chiliad sure it's well-nigh attraction, because every morning time I wake up dreaming of other girls.

(Original post by Pedd)
Non possible man. Physical allure is extremely important in a relationship. Simply every bit a healthy sex activity life tin make everything in a relationship better, a bad sex life can make everything worse.

It may be hard, only pause up with her!

Expert mail service I totally concord with you and will consider breaking upwards.

(Original post by Gjaykay)
Sounds similar y'all practice similar her, might also stay with her. You guys will eventually suspension upward, but stay if y'all wanna stay for the now.

This is even a improve idea. I would similar to stay with her for now and come across what happens in the future. Nevertheless I don't remember it's fair on her equally I won't exist every bit serious with her as she is with me.

(Original post by miser)
I recollect it tin work, but only to the caste that it has 'worked' then far for yous two, i.e., yous take somehow managed to overlook your lack of attarction and still have sex then on.

I suppose the underlying question hither is: Is your love for her enough that you are willing and able to be passionate and intimate with her regardless of not finding her sexually attractive? If it is, then do information technology and have no regrets, merely if it isn't so I think y'all should try to look for a ameliorate match.

Best of luck with it.

Yeah I concur with y'all that information technology probably is not going to become any better.

I cannot be passionate and intimate, this is what is the whole problem. I can however have a great time with her otherwise. But I agree with you I should probably look for a better lucifer.

(Original mail by Alpha brah)
Why the **** did you get in a relationship with her, then?

Get out her and so she tin be with someone who actually properly finds her attractive. Looks are important in a not-platonic relationship for the vast majority of people, don't tie someone upwards in one if yous don't remember they're attractive enough

Because she is an crawly person? I always idea personality was number one in a relationship, simply I realise at present that allure plays a very big role too.

(Original mail service past GradMed)
I'm sorry but I don't think you can be truly in love someone you don't notice physically attractive. You may care well-nigh them a lot and get on with them as friends merely there is more than to a human relationship than that merely equally in that location is more to a relationship than sex. It's a mixture of all of these factors which is why information technology'due south not piece of cake to find the person you lot want to spend the rest of your life with. Surely you tin can never fifty-fifty tell her she looks beautiful/sexy or if you lot practise, you must exist lying?

Yeah I think I love her just am non "in love" with her if you see what I mean. I tin can't tell her that very oft because I'm an honest person. I practise always tell her when I find something pretty about her.

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Thanks for many practiced replies this really makes me think. She does non look frightening but she simply isn't at all of my type physically, which makes me unable to savor intimacy. I think I besides like to have a girlfriend and am scared of existence left alone, as in my electric current life situation I don't get to run into many people at all.

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Source: https://www.thestudentroom.co.uk/showthread.php?t=2518346

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